Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
