69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
