I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
