Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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