im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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