Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
