i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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