If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
