I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
