Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
