She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
