Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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