Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
