You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Randomize
