my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
