Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
