Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
