i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize