I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
