I want to have your abortion
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
