I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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