After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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