He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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