I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
