Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
