highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
