I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize