worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
zippers are such a cool invention
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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