Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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