Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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