If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
