you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
