I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think my fart just growled at me.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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