Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
