Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
