Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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