how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
