I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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