I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
