Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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