Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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