So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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