I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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