I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You're like the curious george of whores
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
