A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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