Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
