then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
