She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
