part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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