Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Im part way to drunk.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
