jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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