Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
