no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
