If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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