fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
