youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
