Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
