Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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