I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
