there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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