KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
