spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
