I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
