Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Enjoy the penises
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
