This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
