I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
