i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
