she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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