Slut skills are useful in every country.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize