I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
