I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
