People in love make me want to vomit
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
