I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
