I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
