Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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