dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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