put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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