I just saw a hot homeless man
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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